Don't follow me, I'm lost.

Where to begin, where to begin....

It's been 3 weeks since my last day of physical therapy and I'm not going to lie, I miss it. Way more than I ever thought I was going to. It almost feels like a little piece of me is missing now. Never thought I would get so attached to it. But I love and miss it. And everyone that worked there too!

I've been walking a lot lately. My neighborhood has a ton of hills so it makes it a little more challenging than just walking around a boring track. I've been trying to walk at least 2 miles every day. And I actually made a 4 mile walk to a friends house not too long ago. It definitely wasn't easy but I didn't give up. I'm stubborn. By the end of it, I didn't think it was too bad but the few days after, I was extremely sore. The kind of sore I got the day I switched from my wheelchair to my walker. Whew! Kinda teared up just thinking about that. Still can't believe there was a point in time where I couldn't walk.

I have one medical bill left and there's only a few hundred dollars left on it. I have the greatest parents in the world for helping me out through all of this. I seriously don't know what I would do without them. They were so thoughtful to help me with the bills. I'm glad I'm not in debt, it's a huge relief.

I thought by now I'd have a job. Nope. I'm really no where near where I thought I would be by now. I haven't been looking for a job because I have no transportation, which has really sucked. I went to apply at a little cafe down the street from where I live, and I chickened out. For some reason, I was extremely nervous. My face was getting red and I was starting to feel sick. I don't know how I could possibly be nervous to apply for a waitress job. I was a waitress for almost 3 years, and a good one too! I even did promotions for our store and was a trainer. So I don't really understand my nerves. I guess since I haven't worked in almost 16 months, it's a little more nerve-racking than I thought it was going to be. Or maybe I'm just afraid I'll mess up. Oh well, hopefully these damn nerves go away soon. I really miss working.

I'll try to write in here more often. Promise!

"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind."
- C.S. Lewis

Xoxo.

The end is near.

So as most of you who read my blog know, I got in a car accident 12/06/10 and have been recovering from it ever since. As of yesterday, it's officially been 15 months. While I'm not exactly 100% back to normal, I think I'm pretty darn close! I still get really tired if I stand too long and if I sit to long, my legs get stiff. But hey, those are two very minimal things considering how far I've come!

Tomorrow will be my last day of physical therapy! I can't believe it! I'm actually more sad than excited. I'm going to miss that place. A lot. By the way, the last time that I had therapy, I RAN! Well, kinda sorta ran. I had both of my knee braces on so it was an awkward, slow, waddle-ish run. But I still did it!

My next, and hopefully last, doctors appointment is on May 31st. Yes, that's also my birthday! I can't wait to see what my doctor has to say about my legs!

Now it's time to get my life back together. Not sure what I should start with. I need to get a new gym membership, get a new vehicle, find a job, save up money, and find a place to live! Seems like this will take a while but I'm determined to get it all done as soon as possible!

I plan on losing at least 15 pounds by my birthday and getting into the best shape I possibly can. I really need to start tanning too! Ghost white does not look good on me. But tanning isn't a priority, at all.

It's kinda hard to get a job when I don't have a vehicle, yet, I can't buy a vehicle without having a job. Vicious cycle but hopefully I get both sooner rather than later.

"Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out."

- John Wooden

Xoxo.

Where do I go from here?

As I'm getting closer and closer to the end of my recovery, I keep coming back to the same question. Where do I go from here? My life was so much different before my accident.

I'm walking a lot better than I ever could have hoped for. I've pushed and pushed myself to get to this point. It's been a really long journey and oddly enough, I'm kinda sad to see it coming to an end. Wow, that's something I never thought I'd say.

So where do I go from here?

I need a vehicle, job, money saved up, and a place to live. In that order, kinda.

I finally got released to work. I've been waiting for this for a long time and honestly, I'm scared out of my mind. I love to work, I really do. I'm a workaholic. But it's been almost 15 months since I've actually worked. I haven't applied for jobs or been to an interview in almost 4 years. My last job, I had for a long time but I don't want to go back there. Actually, I refuse to go back. But now I have no idea where I actually want to get a job. Or where I can get a job. I can't have a job sitting down all day, or standing all day, or even walking all day. So what do I do? Where can I find a job where I can do a little of all three? Help!

I have kinda been debating on going back to school too. I'm not entirely sure what I want to do. There's a few things I have in mind but I guess I'll have to figure all of that out when the time comes! Hopefully I can find something that I will actually want to stick with. I don't want to go to school and then change my major a thousand times. I hate wasting money and time. We shall see how things turn out!

Until then, I'll keep asking the same question I've been asking myself....

Where do I go from here?

Xoxo.

All I can do is be me.

I have so much I've been wanting to blog about! I'm so glad that my computer is temporarily working again. Hopefully it'll continue to work so I won't have to go so long between blog posts.

First order of business:

I'm curious to know if I have "I'm handicapped, please pick a fight and/or be rude to me!" Seriously. It's starting to get really annoying and frustrating. I don't think I'm at all mean to anyone in any way, yet I feel like a lot of people have been more rude to me than ever in my entire life. It makes no sense. Is it just because I'm an easy/slow target? Do they pick fights because they know I can't fight back? I seriously can't risk messing up my legs. After 4 surgeries and over a year of physical therapy, I don't really want to do this all over again. I guess I just will never understand the way people's minds work. If being rude to me is the only way for you to feel better about yourself, then I seriously feel bad for you.

Enough about that.... I just really needed to get that off my chest.

Physical therapy has been going pretty good. Though, I've been an emotional roller coaster there lately. I'm not sure if I'm just finally getting exhausted of all of this recovering, or what not. I have no idea. I don't seem to ever want to go. Maybe it's just because I've been sick lately or because a lot has been going on. I'm not really sure. I hope I get out of this funk and physical therapy will start being more exciting to me again.

I was asked last time at kneehab, what my future goals were as far as being able to do things again. For some reason, my mind went completely blank. When I first started going to therapy, my goal was to walk again. Mission accomplished! But I never really thought further than that. I'm not really into sports and my doctor said I shouldn't take up running or jogging because it could just mess up my knees quicker. So what can't I do now that I could do before? The only things that I could really think of were walking/standing for long periods of time and wearing heels. Oh how I miss wearing heels. I have so many gorgeous heels that I can no longer wear. I'm now stuck wearing flats. Not as fun or pretty. Just boring flats. Which makes everyone think that I've shrunk. Nope, I've always been 5 foot. But now I can't even fool anyone! Ha!!!!

On a more positive note than the rest of this, have I ever told y'all how much I adore my friends? I think I might be the luckiest girl in the world to have them! They've stuck by me through all of this and made my recovery road a million times better than I thought it was going to be. I don't even know how I'll ever repay them for all that they've done. I love each and every one of you, from the bottom of my heart. And don't ever forget that!

Also, a friend of mine asked me to make headbands for a charity's silent auction that she's helping out with. I'm really looking forward to making them! Anything I can do to give back, always makes my heart happy. I can't wait to get them all done and mail them to her!

Xoxo.

Mandicapped.

As most of you know, I've been calling myself Iron Man-dy a lot. Almost every single time I go to therapy or the gym. Well, the other day my dear friend, Kyle, came up with mandicapped. And I absolutely love it! Makes me giggle every time I say it.

I went to the doctor on Thursday, which is always kinda scary because I'm never sure what he's going to say. Sometimes the news is good and sometimes it's not. Luckily for me, this time the news was great! I no longer have to wear my right knee brace anymore!!!! Well, unless I'm doing physical activities such as going to the gym or physical therapy. But I'm thrilled about being able to leave my house without it!

I go back to the doctor on my birthday, May 31st, to see how my legs are doing and discuss whether or not I can stop wearing the left brace. I think I can manage wearing it a little bit longer! My doctor also said that I can start taking spin classes! I can't wait to start going!

In other, non medical related news, I've decided to open an Etsy shop. I know I've said it before and then backed out of it, but this time, I'm serious! I've been making my headbands and bows since my accident and I have so many that I'm running out of room to put all of them. And I really want people to have my little creations. So stay tuned on the shop opening! I'm really excited about it!

Here's a few of my many creations:

  

 

"It is not what happens to you but how you respond to what happens to you."

Xoxo.