Monday, February 27, 2012

Where do I go from here?

As I'm getting closer and closer to the end of my recovery, I keep coming back to the same question. Where do I go from here? My life was so much different before my accident.

I'm walking a lot better than I ever could have hoped for. I've pushed and pushed myself to get to this point. It's been a really long journey and oddly enough, I'm kinda sad to see it coming to an end. Wow, that's something I never thought I'd say.

So where do I go from here?

I need a vehicle, job, money saved up, and a place to live. In that order, kinda.

I finally got released to work. I've been waiting for this for a long time and honestly, I'm scared out of my mind. I love to work, I really do. I'm a workaholic. But it's been almost 15 months since I've actually worked. I haven't applied for jobs or been to an interview in almost 4 years. My last job, I had for a long time but I don't want to go back there. Actually, I refuse to go back. But now I have no idea where I actually want to get a job. Or where I can get a job. I can't have a job sitting down all day, or standing all day, or even walking all day. So what do I do? Where can I find a job where I can do a little of all three? Help!

I have kinda been debating on going back to school too. I'm not entirely sure what I want to do. There's a few things I have in mind but I guess I'll have to figure all of that out when the time comes! Hopefully I can find something that I will actually want to stick with. I don't want to go to school and then change my major a thousand times. I hate wasting money and time. We shall see how things turn out!

Until then, I'll keep asking the same question I've been asking myself....

Where do I go from here?


Thursday, February 9, 2012

All I can do is be me.

I have so much I've been wanting to blog about! I'm so glad that my computer is temporarily working again. Hopefully it'll continue to work so I won't have to go so long between blog posts.

First order of business:
I'm curious to know if I have "I'm handicapped, please pick a fight and/or be rude to me!" Seriously. It's starting to get really annoying and frustrating. I don't think I'm at all mean to anyone in any way, yet I feel like a lot of people have been more rude to me than ever in my entire life. It makes no sense. Is it just because I'm an easy/slow target? Do they pick fights because they know I can't fight back? I seriously can't risk messing up my legs. After 4 surgeries and over a year of physical therapy, I don't really want to do this all over again. I guess I just will never understand the way people's minds work. If being rude to me is the only way for you to feel better about yourself, then I seriously feel bad for you.

Enough about that.... I just really needed to get that off my chest.

Physical therapy has been going pretty good. Though, I've been an emotional roller coaster there lately. I'm not sure if I'm just finally getting exhausted of all of this recovering, or what not. I have no idea. I don't seem to ever want to go. Maybe it's just because I've been sick lately or because a lot has been going on. I'm not really sure. I hope I get out of this funk and physical therapy will start being more exciting to me again.

I was asked last time at kneehab, what my future goals were as far as being able to do things again. For some reason, my mind went completely blank. When I first started going to therapy, my goal was to walk again. Mission accomplished! But I never really thought further than that. I'm not really into sports and my doctor said I shouldn't take up running or jogging because it could just mess up my knees quicker. So what can't I do now that I could do before? The only things that I could really think of were walking/standing for long periods of time and wearing heels. Oh how I miss wearing heels. I have so many gorgeous heels that I can no longer wear. I'm now stuck wearing flats. Not as fun or pretty. Just boring flats. Which makes everyone think that I've shrunk. Nope, I've always been 5 foot. But now I can't even fool anyone! Ha!!!!

On a more positive note than the rest of this, have I ever told y'all how much I adore my friends? I think I might be the luckiest girl in the world to have them! They've stuck by me through all of this and made my recovery road a million times better than I thought it was going to be. I don't even know how I'll ever repay them for all that they've done. I love each and every one of you, from the bottom of my heart. And don't ever forget that!

Also, a friend of mine asked me to make headbands for a charity's silent auction that she's helping out with. I'm really looking forward to making them! Anything I can do to give back, always makes my heart happy. I can't wait to get them all done and mail them to her!