The worst is over.

Can't believe it's already been 10 days since my last post.

Man oh man, time sure does fly.

"Oh the weather outside is weather...."

Since my last surgery on the 2nd, it has been raining non stop! Don't get me wrong, I know that we really need the rain, but the changing of the weather and all the icky-ness, really hurts my legs. Everywhere that I have metal, the weather makes it feel like someone just hit me with a hammer. Not something that I enjoy. Luckily, it finally stopped raining and the weather is at a constant cold temperature, so the pain has semi gone away. Kinda makes me sad because I used to love the rain so much and now I just depise it. Damn the rain, right?

I finally had my doctors appointment on the 13th and got my stitches removed. And boy, did it feel good! There was one stitch that was poking me really bad and would start to poke my incision, causing it to bleed, every time I walked on it. I was miserable. Needless to say, I was more than thrilled when it came time to get them out.

I have to keep my straight leg knee brace on until my quads get stronger and then I can finally switch back to my bending knee brace. I should be off both knee braces in 6 months! Seems so far away but I can't wait until that day comes.

I started physical therapy again on the 14th. Back to the "beginning" one last time. Have to get this leg strong, bending and straightening properly! Getting my legs to bend has never been an issue, it's the straightening that's the hardest part. For some reason, my legs hate to be straight. Which is a slight problem. I'm trying my best to get them back to normal! And I'm back on the E-Stim machine, which I don't like but it really does help. And the pain isn't too bad, just an irritating feeling, if you know what I mean. I love going to physical therapy and instantly seeing results. Makes me feel very happy!

Other happy news, I won't be getting any new scars now that I won't be having anymore surgeries. 13 is the final number of scars. So glad there won't be more!

"There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with."
- Harry Crews

Xoxo.

Living. And I mean, really living.

Before my car accident, my life revolved around things that I thought I needed or needed to do. Not things that I wanted.

Working my ass off as a waitress, 7 days a week for 2 and a half years, some of those days also working double shifts, looking back now, it just doesn't seem worth it. So much time wasted. Precious time. Time that I'll never get back. Sure, I made a lot of money, but what good is having a lot of money if you're too tired to go and spend it on things that you really want? I always said that I was going to quit, just never actually brought myself to do it. Which is another reason that I think my car accident was a blessing in disguise. If I wouldn't have wrecked, I'd still be waitressing. I'd still be stuck in the miserable rut that I was in just a little over a year ago.

Now, I feel free. I feel like I can do anything that I want to.

I read an article today, The Top 5 Regrets In Life By Those About To Die, and it really got me thinking.... I don't want to ever go through life with regrets. When my time comes to leave this life, I want to look back and be proud of everything I did. I don't want to ever wonder "what if". I want to be happy and really live.

The first regret was the one that really stood out to me more than anything, "I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me." Growing up, I was always told that you have to go to college and get a degree to become successful and happy. This, to me, is wrong. Personally, I find school to be a huge waste of time and money. And no, I'm not trying to discourage anyone from going. If that's what you want to do, then by all means, do it. I would rather learn about things that I really want to learn about, rather than what someone has to teach me. I want to travel, craft, read, try new things, set goals and succeed in them, have adventures, etc. From now on, I only want to work enough to have enough money for my little adventures and what not. Anything and everything that makes me happy!

I want passion and pride in what I do, in everything I do. I want to wake up every morning, absolutely loving everything I do.
I want to matter.

 From now on, I am going to live my life the best I can. A happy life. One that I can be proud of in the end.

Are you living your life the way you really want to?

Xoxo.

It's officially been a year.

For those of you that don't know,

I got in a car accident exactly one year ago today.

12/06/10

"Everything happens for a reason."

This past year has been crazy. I never imagined that something like this would ever happen to me but it has. I started off being very angry and upset. I couldn't understand why this had to happen to me. Now, I'm thankful. I'm so much happier and stronger now.

1 car accident.

1 ambulance ride.

1 emergency room visit.

(Which was absolutely terrible. They didn't do a very good job at anything and only made things worse.)

Minor injuries:

I had a few really bad seat belt burns; one on my neck, and then one on each side of my stomach. One of my rings that I was wearing, went through my elbow. And I had a bruised lung.

Serious injuries:

On my right leg; I broke my ankle in three places, shattered my fibula, broke my knee, tore my ACL, and tore my meniscus. On my left knee; I tore my ACL, PCL, LCL, MCL, and meniscus. Possibly some other things too. I'm not even entirely sure what all I've torn or broken. So this is what I understand from all of it.

4 surgeries.

First one was December 20th, 2010.

Second one was February 28th, 2011.

Third one was August 26th, 2011.

And my fourth, and LAST surgery was December 2nd, 2011.

I have over 17 screws and other metal objects in my legs now.

13 scars.

All various lengths and widths, between both legs.

Can't even tell you how long I spent in the hospital between the ER and all the surgeries.

1 wheelchair for 5 months.

1 walker for 1 month.

1 pair of crutches; 2 times for 1 month each.

1 ankle boot.

5 different knee braces.

It feels like I've been to a million doctor's appointments at Orthopedic Performance Institute. My orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Christopher Phelps, is fantastic! He's taken really good care of my legs. All of my surgeries have gone really well and he's made all of this a lot easier for me. He's a big part of why I'm able to walk again. Can't thank him enough for all he's done. If you need any orthopedic surgeries done, I highly suggest going to him.

Most of my time has been spent doing physical therapy at Texas Physical Therapy Specialists in Stone Oak. Which has probably been my favorite part about all of this. My physical therapist: Jennifer Christie; the techs: Anessa, Carlos, and Quentin; the two awesome ladies at the front desk: Rebekah and Kathy; and all of the interns and other physical therapists that have helped me through all of this. They are the greatest people ever and they are the other big reason of why I'm able to walk. I seriously don't know what I would do without them. I can't even begin to know how to thank them for everything. I have so much love for every single one of them.

Family:

I love my family so much. They've been helping me through all of this so much. I would be no where without them. Wheeling me around, taking me to and from doctor's appointments and physical therapy, paying for my medical bills, etc. I'm so lucky to have a family that loves me as much as they do. They've had to put up with a lot of not-so-awesome things over this past year, and they just did everything without even thinking twice. How awesome is that? Even the really gross things, which I would mention, but more than a few of you would be seriously disturbed. I'll leave the icky things out. Just know, I have such an awesome and loving family.

Friends:

I don't think that I thank my friends enough. For everything. Calling, texting, coming over, picking me up, taking me to lunch or dinner, bringing me flowers or other random little gifts, or anything else that they do. Just showing me that they care has been enough to get me through this. They are my second family. I think I have the greatest friends anyone could ever ask for. There has been the not-so-awesome times, but somehow, we've managed to get through them and our friendships have become greater. I would name names but I might forget one and then I would feel horrible. Just know that I love all of you. Very, very much. Y'all are the greatest!

Xoxo.

LAST surgery.



Yesterday was my last of 4 surgeries. My surgery was supposed to be a reconstruction to my left ACL & PCL. I was more nervous for this surgery than I have for any of the others. A part of me was scared that once I was under and my doctor was looking inside my knee, he'd find something else wrong. Luckily, that was not the case at all.

Before surgery:

I got to the hospital around 5:10am, which I thought was a little early because my surgery wasn't until 7:30am. Then I had to sign my life away, which sadly, I'm used to by now. Admitting didn't take too long because all of my information is already in the computer. Once all of that was taken care of, then took me to the pre-op room that I was assigned. I was kinda on edge already because it was really early, I was tired, and I was getting more and more scared as the time went on. Not to mention that my nurse had NO clue how to put in an IV in my hand. She stuck the needle in the vein in my hand and then wiggled it around, which left a huge knot in my hand. I was convinced that my day was not going to be a good one. Again, I was wrong. Another nurse came in and took over, and she was fantastic!

When my doctor came in and explained to me, again, what he was going to do, he said he might not have to do my PCL. I asked him how long it would be before I could put weight on my leg if he had to do both, my ACL & PCL, and he said 6 weeks. Which is so far away. If he only had to do my ACL, it would be 3 days. HUGE difference. I was praying the whole time that once he opened up my knee, my PCL would be a lot sturdier than he originally thought and he wouldn't have to fix it.

Finally, my anesthesiologist came in. That was the part I was most concerned about. The first two surgeries, the anesthesia didn't really have an effect on me after I woke up. But the surgery before this one, I was really sick. And the main reason I couldn't leave the hospital was because I was so sick. It made me absolutely miserable. So I asked him if there was any way that I could get some other form of anesthesia. He said that he would give me anti-nausea medicine before surgery and right afterwards. He also said that he would give me a nerve block in my leg so that it would be numb and I wouldn't need a bunch of norco's. Which I thought was a fantastic idea because I can't stand norco's. They make me really sick, too.

After surgery:

I woke up in recovery and to my surprise, I felt fantastic. No sickness at all. I was wide awake and very alert. My first concern was finding out if he had done my ACL & PCL or just my ACL. I asked the nurse, and she said he did both. My heart sank. Then she read over the anesthesiologist report and he had only written down that my ACL was done. So I was hopeful for good news. Then I saw my doctor, and he told me that once he got inside my knee, my PCL was intact and a lot stronger than he had thought. Therefore, he only reconstructed my ACL. This was the BEST news I could have ever gotten. I was so excited and giddy!

Then they wheeled my bed to the post-op room so that I could see my parents. And they were surprised at how awesome I felt and looked. They were really glad that I wasn't sick. The nurse said before I left, all I had to do was eat, drink, and pee. Simple enough, right? So, I ate a cup of jello and drank some apple juice. A normal person would have then got up to pee, but I wasn't ready to stand up and use my crutches just yet. So I decided to take a little nap. Looking back, I should have just got up, peed and then left. But oh well, right when I woke up, I got that over with and then finally got to leave the hospital.

When I got home, I even stuffed my face with some BBQ. Which was weird because usually after surgery, I only want soup and jello. But since I was feeling so great, I decided to go for the good stuff. It was so yummy. I couldn't even believe how much I ate. Then I went back to bed and took naps on and off.

Today, I'm not feeling as great as I did yesterday, but I'm still doing pretty good. Tomorrow, I get to take off all my bandage and clean my new wounds. I'm excited to see what they look like, too. And Monday, I get to put standing weight on my leg. I can't wait!

Also, 3 days until it's officially been a year since my car accident. Can't believe it's already almost been a year....

Xoxo.

4 days....

It seems like I've been starting all my past few blog posts off with some version of "I keep meaning to write on this...." or "I keep forgetting....". Either way, if you like my blog, my apologies for not writing more often.

Where, oh where shall I begin?

I'll start off by saying that my LAST surgery will be on December 2nd! Only 4 days away. I can't believe that this will finally be the end of my surgeries because of my car accident. Makes me a little nervous too. You'd think that this one being my 4th one, I'd be a pro at it by now. Sadly, I am not. I thought this one would be a piece of cake, but as it's getting closer and closer, I'm getting a little sick to my stomach. Just nerves. Luckily, that will pass. On this surgery, my surgeon will be fixing my ACL & PCL on my left knee. I was only hoping for just an ACL fix, but unfortunately, he'll be doing both. Which will be a little harder on me than the last surgery but definitely not the worst one I've had. So I'm very thankful for that.

December 6th is coming up so soon, 8 days to be exact. I can't believe it's almost been a year since my car accident. My life has changed in so many different ways. It's crazy to think how drastically things can change within just a short few minutes. I'd like to think that my car accident was somehow a blessing in disguise. I'm happier and stronger than I've ever been, and I'm very thankful for that.

Physical therapy has really been kicking my butt. Which I oddly enough, I love. My legs have never been stronger! One legged squats, I own you! I can't wait for this next surgery so that my physical therapy can only get more intense and I can finally be on the last part of my recovery. I'm really sad that I'm not going to be able to go back to therapy until 2 weeks after my surgery, but when I get back, I'll be very well rested and ready to get things done!

Xoxo.

Better and better.

So much has happened in these past couple of weeks! I keep promising myself that I'm going to update this more and I always seem to forget. Possibly because I don't use my computer very much anymore.

Let's see....

Where shall I begin?

We'll start with physical therapy. I'm so glad to be going back there and getting stronger a little more with each passing day. I love when I actually start seeing a difference in my legs. Makes me feel really accomplished! And I'm sure that I've mentioned this before, but my physical therapist is amazing! And everyone that works there is too. I can never even begin to thank them for everything that they've done for me over the past 10 months. Without them, I wouldn't be walking today or even as strong as I am now. I appreciate them more than words can even begin to describe.

I had my 5 week follow up with the doctor today and everything went extremely well! My new ACL is holding up great, just as it should. He said that he's very happy with all of the progress that I've made. My bending is really great but I need to work on my leg extension more. I see him again in 5 weeks and my next and FINAL surgery should be the first week of December! Not as soon as I wanted it, but my right knee needs to be as strong as possible before I go under and get the left knee done. The next few weeks, I'm going to really have to step my game up! And I'm more than willing to do so!

That's all for now. I'm going to try and write more. And I hope that I really will! Today was a great, happy day and I hope everyone else's was full of happiness too!

Xoxo.

Just a little update.

So much has happened since my last post! I'll try and fill in as much as I can think of.

My surgery on the 26th went very, very well. I got a little sick afterwards but that was only because of the anesthesia. Anywho, from my understanding, my surgeon took out a piece of my hamstring to reconstruct my ACL. And unfortunately, during that surgery he decided that he was going to go ahead and do the surgery on my other knee too. Which will be the same surgery. I was hoping that I wasn't going to need it, but it turns out that I do.

Great thing about this surgery though, no wheelchair! I had to crutch my way out of the hospital. And three days after surgery, I was already putting weight on it! Now, I'm already walking on it. I'm excited! If my leg was a little stronger, I wouldn't need the crutches but I'm using them until I can actually hold myself back up.

I saw the doctor on Thursday; everything is going great and healing very nicely! My new, reconstructed ACL is holding up very well. I'm so happy that it's doing so well! As soon as all the swelling in my leg goes down, I can start wearing my ACL brace, the one wear I can actually bend and walk around, again instead of this straight leg brace! He said that I need to work on my leg extension, bending, and getting my quad muscle stronger. Which should be a piece of cake! I see the doctor again in 5 weeks to see how strong I am, and if it's strong enough, we'll schedule my next surgery!

Not really relevant news, but I got a new handicap pass too! Yay! This one expires in March of 2012. Now I won't have to walk/crutch across the parking lot anymore!

Yesterday, Friday, I started going to physical therapy again! I was so excited! I had a really good first session back! I really missed going there. Now I get to start going three times a week again! I can't wait to start getting stronger and stronger.

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will."

- Mohandas Gandhi

Xoxo.

On my way to being myself, again.

Ah, so in my last blog post, I had to vent.

I'm over it now. It was just one of those days, if you know what I mean.

I went to the doctor on the 10th and got some ridiculously amazing news. He only wants to do surgery on my right knee, reconstructing my ACL in my right knee. I still don't have an ACL in my left knee but he said there's something in my knee that is making up for the lack of ACL in that knee. Which means, I'll only have one more surgery instead of two!!!! Though, it's not 100% certain at this moment. He's going to wait until he's doing my right knee to see how the left one is acting while I'm "sleeping". Hopefully, it'll be doing the exact same thing that it's doing right now. I'm more than thrilled! When he was telling me, I almost started tearing up. If my next surgery is the last one, I will be the happiest person! And my recovery time will be a lot less than I had anticipated.

My surgery is on the 26th, by the way. 9 days away! Y'all have no idea how excited I am. Words could not even begin to describe. I haven't written many blog entries lately, but the ones I have written have been kinda sloppy and random. I'm not focused enough to write something decent. I'm just too excited and have so many things running through my brain constantly. I'll calm down after surgery.

Once I start going back to physical therapy, it's all uphill from there. I'm going to work my ass off to make sure my legs are in tip top shape. This time, physical therapy will be a lot more aggressive than before. And I'll finally be able to get back to my normal self. Which, I'm very excited for.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, "everything happens for a reason". I'm the biggest believer in that. I love all of my friends and family that have been here for me through all of this, y'all will never understand how much you mean to me. All of you. I've also become closer to friends that I lost touch with, and I'm so very thankful for that. How I ever got by without some of you, I'll never, ever know. I don't plan on ever finding out again either.

"Friendship multiplies the good of life and divides the evil."

- Baltasar Gracian

Xoxo.

Frustrations.

This post will pretty much be me venting.

You've been warned.

Now on to my venting. My medical bills are driving me absolutely insane. There is so many of them and they all want large sums of money every month. Do I look like I'm made out of money? I can't afford that. And I certainly don't know many people that can. It makes me sick to my stomach how many times they call my phone or sent me letters in the mail. I get that you need your money but what am I supposed to do?

I did get released to go back to work and then Hooter's had to "let me go" because "if you can't wear pantie hose under your knee braces, you can't work here". You'd think after working there for 3 years, they would cut me a little slack. I understand that pantie hose are a part of the uniform. I get it. But what about the pregnant girls? They wear t-shirts. That's not a part of the uniform either. Oh well. In some way, I'm sort of glad that I'm no longer employed there. I'm finally out and don't have to worry about it anymore. But enough about that.

At that point in time. It was completely pointless for me to go looking for a job. I would have only been able to work for a month or two and then I'd have to take off for a little over two months because of my next two surgeries. So out of the sake of it not being far to a company, I didn't bother with it.

I can't tell you how many times I've gotten phone calls from bill collectors,etc, telling me that they need $4,000 right now. WHO CAN JUST DISH THAT OUT ON THE SPOT? When I explained to them that I can't work, they tell me "that's not really my problem". All of these people are so heartless. They don't care about anything but money. No one ever gets a phone call saying "how are you doing" or "I'm glad that you're doing better". Not that I'm asking for that or that anyone is, but in the midst of you asking me for money, you could at least pretend like you care. Have some compassion.

The sad part, I have a ton of medical bills and I'm fixing to have a lot more after my next two surgeries, but compared to some people, my medical bills are nothing. My heart goes out to everyone that has to go through and deal with this stuff too. Especially with the people that are more effected by all of this. I wish we didn't live in a world so dependent on money. I wish everyone would just care about each other and do things from their heart.

I think this is the end of my rant. I'm not going to talk about it anymore. I'm going to turn my frown upside down and make something positive of my day.

"This whole world is out there just trying to score. I've seen enough. I don't want to see any more."

- Bruce Springsteen

Xoxo.

I'm a happy, happy girl.

Where to begin, where to begin.... It's been forever since I've written. I keep meaning to and then completely lose track of time. It doesn't help that I have the worst attention span. Let's see....

Walking has been going great!!!! Every step that I take just makes me more and more stronger. It's such an amazing feeling. And my ankles finally stopped swelling all the time. That was probably the worst part about walking again in the beginning. The swelling always hurt and made my ankles 5 times bigger. My legs are bending perfectly and straightening as much as I can possibly make them. Going up and down the stairs is easily ten times easier than it was. Though, I have to hold on with both hands to walk really good down them. Practice makes perfect. I'll get the hang of it again, eventually.

I've been going to the gym a lot to get my muscles in my legs back. At this point, they might even be stronger than they've ever been. My doctor wants me to have as much muscle as possible going into my next two surgeries. That way my recovery time won't be as bad.

My next doctor's appointment is on the 10th of August, and I can't wait for it to get here. That's when the planning of my final surgeries and the recovery will begin. Who would've ever thought that I'd be excited to get surgery? Seems like such a silly thing to be anxious/excited for. Luckily, my next two surgeries are only to repair my ACL's. Should be a piece of cake compared to the surgeries I've already had. I don't have either one of my ACL's at this point and I'm hoping that in my recovery time, nothing has torn or needs to be fixed again. My fingers are crossed!

I was in debate on how I wanted to do my surgeries. I could either have one and be in a wheelchair again, which would get them both out of the way but I'd lose entirely too much muscle and my recovery time would be longer. Or I could get them done one at a time and just be on crutches. My doctor is leaning more towards doing them one at a time. That way all the muscle that I've been working really hard to get back, won't completely vanish like it did the last time I couldn't walk.

I can't believe it's already been a little over 7 months since my accident. So many things have changed. My life is completely different now. Everything happens for a reason and I'm a very firm believer in that. I'm a better person now that I've gone through all of this. Well, still going through all of this. A lot has happened in these past 7 months but I wouldn't change a thing. As ridiculous as that sounds, I wouldn't.

I love everyone that has been here helping me through this long process. Family, old friends, new friends, doctors, nurses, my physical therapist, and a few others a long the way. And I've had a million different inspirations throughout all of this. There's no way I could have done all of this alone. And I love each and every one of you for being amazing.

I'll write more soon. I have a million things running through my brain right now and if I don't stop writing now, this one entry could possibly turn into a novel. I'll figure all my thoughts out and jot them down for future blog entries.

Last note, I've seriously never been happier in my entire life.

Xoxo.

This time is mine.

To start this off, I'm really sorry for slackin' on the blog. There's been a lot going on lately and it doesn't help that my computer doesn't work either. I'll get back in my bloggin' groove!

I think I last left off with my great news from my doctor. Since then, I've been in the process of moving back to my mama's house. Which has been a little hectic because I have a ton of stuff, most of which, doesn't fit in her house. I'm doing the best I can for the space I have. I definitely need to go through all my clothes and get rid of some. It's a little ridiculous how many clothes I have. They will all now be sent to Goodwill for other people to enjoy.

Walking has been going GREAT. And it's getting really, really easy now! I should get my new ACL brace for my right leg sometime tomorrow and tomorrow is also my last physical therapy appointment! Until my next two surgeries anyways. I just signed up for a gym so that I can continue to make my legs stronger and stronger. Plus, it won't hurt to work out. I think I'll be okay getting back into shape.

I'm really sad that I won't be going to physical therapy for the next three months. I've become really close to everyone that works there. I think tomorrow will be an emotional day. Luckily, it's only a short while that I won't be with them. Then I'll need them to make me better all over again.

This summer I have every intention of being a social butterfly, not that that's any different than how my life was before. I just plan on not ever wasting time, ever again. Life is precious. It took a long time for me to realize that but I'm really glad that I did. Bring on the fun!

August 10th is my next doctors appointment and that's when I'll find out when the first of my next two surgeries will be. I'm kinda excited for it. After the next two surgeries, I should be all done with them! The last one will definitely be the greatest one! My complete and 100% recovery won't be until July of 2012. Seems like it's forever away but I think the time will just fly by. I can't wait until all of this is a distant memory.

Good news, my 21st birthday is in 6 days! You'd think I'd be excited about being able to legally drink but I've been "21" for so long that it just seems like another birthday. I am, however, very excited to get presents and money! Seems sad but since I won't be able to work or find a job, getting money will be amazing!

The trip that my friend and I are going on is in 8 days! Can't believe it's so close now. I can't wait to get away for a mini vacay. It's much needed. Plus, I've already booked an hour long massage. Which I need more than anything. It's probably the thing that I'm most excited about! Being bed ridden for 4 and a half months really made my back messed up. Finally it'll feel good again.

I think I've covered a lot of what's been going on. I'll make sure to post more often. I shall not forget! Even if I have to make a little reminder in my phone calendar.

Xoxo.

Wicked twisted road.

Alright so this post is a little overdue but when I tried to write it before, Blogger was down. And then my computer stopped working so I haven't really had a chance to write.

Wednesday morning, I went to see my doctor. He released me to drive and work! Ahhhhh. I was so excited when he told me. Unfortunately, my good news came with some bad news. Instead of only having one more surgery, I'm going to need two. He originally only wanted to reconstruct my left ACL, which will continue as planned, but now he wants to reconstruct my right ACL as well. Apparently, all the walking that I've been doing has loosened up too much of my scar tissue and now my leg is too loose. I'm a little sad that I now have to get two more but there's not much I can do about it. In the mean time, I'm getting a new brace in about a week to help me walk better.

Anywho, after my visit with my doctor, I could not wait to drive! I was so excited. So I picked up my friend and I drove to New Braunfels to get my hair done. I'm blonde again, yes!! I will never dye my hair black, ever again. It's been such a long process to get it back blonde. Even though it's not exactly as blonde as it used to be, it's good enough for now. After my hair, I ran a few more errands and took my release papers to work so that I can finally be off of FMLA and start working again. I'm excited! I really miss making money. Even though I won't be making a ton, it's better than nothing.

Wednesday night, I went to County Line to hang out with some friends and watch some good live music. Whiskey Myers and Fast Betty played. If you've never heard of them, I suggest you check them out. They both have a great music and an even better live show! I got to hang out with a lot of really good friends, new and old, and I'm glad that I got to hang out with my other half too. I missed her and I'm glad that we can finally be back in action! Can't wait for all of our adventures that we have planned!

Thursday, I had a physical therapy appointment but I had to cancel it because the weather was horrible and my legs were aching really, really bad. Not to mention the fact that it had also made my ankle swell like crazy. Needless to say, I'm not a huge fan of weather change anymore. I guess I'll just have to get used to it.

Yesterday, Friday, I went to my rescheduled physical therapy appointment and kinda relaxed most of the day. Last night, I went to see Robert Earl Keen with my friend Lauren. It was a ton of fun! I had to sit down during most of it though because my legs just couldn't handle standing that long. I think I did a pretty good job walking around Floores though, considering it's not flat ground.

And finally we've come to today. Today was a TON of fun. My mama and I took my little brother to the Natural Bridge Wildlife Ranch. He's never been so it was a fun experience to watch him react to all of the animals. If you've never been, I highly suggest checking it out! It's always a ton of fun. The zebra's were my favorite thing to see.

I took this while we were there. Look at how adorable the baby zebra is! This is my favorite picture of the day. So I thought I'd share it with whomever may be reading this post!

I think that I've pretty much covered everything that's happened this week. Tomorrow, we're going to the Snake Farm so I'll be sure to post a blog with a ton of pictures from there soon!

Xoxo.

I walk the line.

I think I'm really starting to get the hang of walking again! I haven't been using the walker for a couple days now and I'm just getting better and better. Though, I stayed at my mama's house and walking up and down the stairs a lot really hurt my ankles. It'll take some getting used to but I think I'm doing pretty damn good, if I do say so myself!

I went out on Saturday night to see some good friends that I haven't seen in a quite a while. I had my mom drop me off and the door guy at the venue laughed at me. I felt like I was 12 years old again and my mom was dropping me off at the movies or something. It was fun to be out without a wheelchair or walker.

Mother's Day was fun! I felt a little bad because I couldn't actually get my mama a present. I just kept telling her that I loved her over and over again. I'm not sure if she'll ever really know how much I truly appreciate everything she does for me. I've put her through a lot and I'm glad that she's never given up on me and has always done whatever she possibly could. Sure, sometimes she's my best friend and other times we can't even be in the same room together because our personalities clash too much, but I think that's just our dynamic. At the end of the day, I can truly say that I love my mama and wouldn't have it any other way. She's amazing!

I called my doctor today, well I guess yesterday now, to find out when I'd be able to drive again and when I'd be able to finally go back to work. Unfortunately, he wasn't in the office and I'll have to wait until the morning. I'm anxious to find out what he says but I don't have high expectations. I don't think I'll get the okay for both of those things until my next actual doctors appointment which isn't until the 24th.

I miss driving. It was my way of "escaping". I loved to drive around New Braunfels, or anywhere really, just to clear my head and take my mind off of things. I don't really have the freedom to just pick up and go like I used to. Hopefully that'll all change soon. Though, I'm not too sure how I'm going to handle driving when the time comes. I mean, I've driven around my dad's neighborhood but I haven't driven on an actual road or highway. I might be the most caustious driver ever now. Who knows.

I haven't worked in a little over 5 months. I didn't really mind not working at first, I worked way too much, but now I'm starting to wish I could. It always gave me something to do. Plus, not working for 5 months has made me completely broke. And I hate asking my parents for money because they've been helping me out so much with all of my medical bills. I hope I can start working soon! Then I'll be a little closer to being back to myself.

Xoxo.

A champion is someone who gets up when she can't.

I am extremely happy to report that I no longer need to use my walker! Unless I'm in a crowded area and I'll only need it then just incase someone runs into me. I'm really excited though. It was only 3 weeks ago that I started walking again and I'm really starting to get the hang of it!

I'm not sure if I've already posted this but I'll share it again anyways.... I can go up and down stairs now! I look a little funny doing it but I don't care. I'm just happy that I'm able to do it now!

I started to tan on Tuesday, which I got doctor approved. He said that arthoscopically there is no reason why I can't tan in a tanning bed but he doesn't approve because of skin related reasons. Which I expected. I was a little scared to tan though because I didn't want to burn my scars and have them start looking disgusting. I found this awesome stuff to put over them though! No more vampire Mandy!

And possibly the coolest news.... I drove today! Only through my dad's neighborhood and then a little down the street to pick up my brother from school. I was a little nervous to drive because I haven't in 5 months. It's like riding a bike! I was a little shakey at first because I kept thinking I was going to run off the road. I think I did really good though. I just need to keep practicing. Practice makes perfect!

Tomorrow will be the 5 month anniversary of my accident. I can't believe it's already been 5 months! It feels like time has flown right on by. I can't get over it. 5 months. Almost half a year. I'll be making up for it this summer though and I can't wait!

My 21st birthday is on May 31st. Only 26 days to go! Not that turning 21 will be any different from any other day. But I'm excited that I will never have to be a "minor" ever again! I can go to a bar and not get a huge X on my hand with a sharpie.

Candace and I are also going to Fest Out West which is in 28 days! It's going to be a ton of  fun.

Those are just a few things I'm really looking forward to. I'm making a lot of plans for the rest of the year. I won't waste any time!

Xoxo.

I get a little bit stronger.

Haven't really written an update of how things have been going with my recovery, so here it goes....

The past few physical therapy sessions have been kickin' my butt. I've been staying for two hours instead of one and working out ten times harder. Needless to say, it wears me out. It makes me feel amazing afterwards though. And I love that I'm getting stronger and stronger every single day! I love that I can actually see my muscles now. Not to brag, but I'm going to have some awesome legs when this is all said and done! Ha. I've never been one to work out so this is all new to me. I might actually like working out now. Weird.

Today, they had me doing squats and I'm actually really good at them! They were a piece of cake. Especially considering my knee's aren't the best. All the exercises just keep getting easier and easier!

I've been doing a lot of walking lately. I'm getting better at it. I even went out today and didn't bring the walker. I got a little tired after a while, but I pushed through! I'm just going to keep going and going until I can't anymore.

Never take walking for granted.

Xoxo.

Life After Leaving.

Last night was amazing!

I went to Sam's Buger Joint to listen to some awesome music. Laura Marie and James Vives opened up the show for Wes Harllee's CD Release of Life After Leaving! All three performances were absolutely amazing. If you've never heard of any of them, I seriously think that you should look them up. They'll all smooth your soul and make you happy! Definitely some of the best live performances that I've ever been lucky enough to see.

Laura Marie

Website

Facebook

Twitter

James Vives

Facebook

ReverbNation

Wes Harllee

Facebook

Twitter

I sat down pretty much the whole time because it was packed and I was really nervous. I didn't want anyone to accidentally run into me. That would have been horrible! I still bounced my little feet to the music as much as I could.

I've always been a huge people watcher. More so now than ever before. There was a guy that kept yelling, "DRUM SOLO", over and over again. I can't even explain how many times he said it. I think I even had a nightmare of him yelling it.

I got to hang out with my awesome friend Mack, see a bunch of people that I haven't seen in a while, and I met some new friends! When Mack picked me up to go to Sam's, he had a present for me, a pretty pink and purple squeaky horn to put on my walker! I love it. It's really loud and kinda sounds like a dolphin! After the show, we went to the gas station which just so happened to have $1 Icee's. Yum! I got a Big Red Icee and it was absolutely amazing! Then we went to The Lion & Rose for a few minutes to meet up with some people. On the way home, we got pulled over. Luckily, Mack is a badass and didn't get a ticket. As we got closer to my neighborhood, we saw a car flipped on it's driver side. We pulled over to see if everyone was okay and there was no one in the car! I guess they fled the scene. Whenever I started to hear all the sirens from the police car's, ambulance's, and fire truck's, I began to feel sick to my stomach. It was "too close to home", if you know what I mean.

After an eventful night full of random yet awesome adventures, I was exhausted. And still am. I decided to take today easy and just relax. I'm supposed to go to Reckless Kelly's Celebrity Softball Jam tomorrow but now it's supposed to thunderstorm really bad. I'm not too sure that being in a vehicle from San Antonio to Round Rock in a thunderstorm would be a good idea. I'm already nervous being in vehicles as it is. We shall see how the weather looks in the morning.

Xoxo.

Day Is Done.

Day Is Done by John Prine



Do you like me?

Well, I hope you do

'Cause if you like me

Then I think I'm gonna have to like you too

We'll share our things

And have some fun

Then we'll say goodbye

And go back home when the day is done

If you tell me

I'll tell you too

And we'll say the things

And do the things that lovers do

We'll keep it to ourselves

We won't hurt no one

Then we'll say goodbye

And go back home when the day is done

We'll carve our names

On a tree

Then we'll burn it down

So no one in the world will see

And we'll make love

While we watch the flame

Then we'll walk away

As if we never had no shame

Now we must hide

To be alone

And we can't say

Our sweet things on the telephone

If we can't stop

What we've begun

We should say goodbye

And go back home when the day is done

Do you still like me?

Well, I hope you do

'Cause if you still like me

Then I think I'm gonna have to still like you

We shared our things

And had some fun

Now we'll say goodbye

And go back home when the day is done

Yeah, we'll say goodbye

And go back home while

We still have one

Let's say goodbye and go back home

Now the day is done

Be kind and considerate to others.

Ever since I started walking again, I've been going out and doing a lot more things. Trying to make up for lost time, I suppose. This post is on how things have changed and how I view things as of now.

We'll start this off with handicap parking. I never really thought that people could be so rude until all of this happened. I remember one time when I was trying to leave physical therapy and a lady parked in the no parking spot right infront of the wheelchair ramp so I couldn't get off of the sidewalk. When she came out she said, "Oops, sorry! Didn't think there would be anyone that really needed this ramp." And she was a nurse at the dentist office right next to my physical therapy place. There's people always coming and going, using that ramp. Besides the fact that she was inconsiderate, you can't park there anyways! Which brings me to my next irritation. I went to Tilted Kilt to see some friends, parked in handicap of course, and as I got to my mama's truck, there was a motorcycle parked right next to my door! I couldn't even get in the truck. Again, you can't park there. It doesn't matter if you have a motorcycle or a car, you cannot park there. I park in those spots for a reason. My walker can't fit between cars so I park next to the spaces that you can't park in so that I can fit.

Sorry for my little rant, it just really frustrates me when people think they can just do whatever they want. Without thinking about how it might effect other people. Enough about handicap parking, on to the next subject.

I use a walker. Mainly because I'm still learning how to walk again and I'm not the most stable person. I walk a little funny still, but I'm still trying to get the hang of it. I love walking, I really do. It's amazing! I don't love people staring at me though. It makes me feel uncomfortable. Though, I just brush it off. They're probably just wondering what happened. If I was in their shoes, I'd be curious too!

I've got to HEB and people behind me get mad because I walk slow. Or they run into me with their carts and don't even have the decency of saying "Sorry!". They just keep on going. I went to the mall and people did the same exact thing. While I was at Tilted Kilt and I was trying to leave, instead of people being nice and making a path for me, they decided to just stare at me. They didn't even budge a little. So I folded up my walker and held onto my mama. As I walked past them they would say, "Wow, hope you get better!". If you noticed that I couldn't walk very good, why wouldn't you just move over a few inches so that I could make my way through?

Enough about all the mean people. I've encountered a lot of very generous people! People that go out of their way to make sure I can get by. Or being really patient letting me walk by, even if they're in a hurry. It's people like them that make me feel better. I went to Salt Grass to have dinner with my mama, and I was trying to open the bathroom door, the bartender completely dropped everything that she was doing just to open the door for me. She said, "I've had 4 knee surgeries, I know what you're going through and I wish you the best of luck!". Just a kind person to a stranger. It always makes my day a million times better when I run into a random act of kindness.

I think that we could all do a little more to help out others. Even if it's something small and simple. It could make all the difference in the world to someone.

Throw a stranger an unexpected smile.

Xoxo.

More than fine.

Whew. What a long and amazing weekend!

Friday night, I went to dinner with my Lorennda, Sara Beth, and her husband Rich! It was a lot of fun. And it was so good to see Sara! Hadn't seen her since her wedding. I'm glad we got to hang out a little while she was in town. And I always love hanging out with my Lorennda!

Saturday was an extremely long day. Mama came and picked me up. We went to lunch and shopping. I love my new clothes and new shoes. Let me tell you though, shopping and trying on clothes is not an easy task with a walker but I made it work. By the end of the day, my right ankle was so swolen from walking so much. It was worth it though!

Now onto Sunday. Which was technically yesterday but for some of you it's today. It was an awesome Easter! A fun filled Easter of food, desserts, and family! Perfection. After family time, I went to my store for the Hooter's Regional Pageant! It was a lot of fun! I got to spend some time with a lot of my friends and see a lot of people that I haven't seen in forever. And I got to hang out with my friend, Kyle, for his birthday! Congatulations to my best friend, Candace, for making Top 10! And the other two girls from my store, Deja and Sophie for making Top 10 as well! They all looked absolutely amazing. I'm so proud of the 3 of them! Now it's onto the Hooter's State Pageant in Pasadena, TX, for them! I'll be there cheering them on!

And as of midnight, happy birthday to my mama!

Xoxo.

Know your limitations and then defy them.

Whew, what a long day today was!

Physical therapy really kicked my ass this morning. They gave me 5 new exercises to do, on top of the ones I already do, and they definitely weren't easy but I pushed through. Bring on the pain and the work outs! I'm glad that I have people actually making me exercise now because I wouldn't do it on my own. I'm starting to get the hang of it though! My therapist also said that next week they're going to start taking me off the walker! Wooooooo! Awesome news. And I've only been using the walker for a week! I can't wait to be walking on my own again.

My friend Moses came over today and we went to lunch at Firehouse Subs. So yummy! Then we went to Hooter's to visit some of my lady friends! It was really good to get out of the house and do things. Plus, it's good for me to walk around.

Now I'm at home, relaxing, and watching some tv. I just got done watching the new The Office episode. "Michael's Last Dundies". I'm sad. What an emotional episode. I might have even shed a tear. I love Steve Carell!

Everyone reading this should check out my friend Wes Harllee's new music video, "London"! It's amazing!

Produced by Mack Damon

Drums by Joe Cortez IV

Xoxo.

Happiness is only real when shared.

Let me start off by saying that I loved today!

I started it off by going to physical therapy, which you should know by now that I absolutely love. Since I've started using my walker, my main focus has been building all my muscle back up. For not walking for over 4 months, I think I've built my muscle back up pretty good! Looking forward to getting better and better!

I finally got my x-rays!

 I was really excited because I had never seen them before!

      One of my very good friends, Joe, came to town and I was really excited because I haven't seen him in forever! We went to lunch with Mack and Alyssa. It was an awesome lunch! I hadn't seen Mack in forever. I miss hanging out with him! And I finally got to meet Alyssa. Yay!

After lunch we went to Mack's studio for a little bit and I watched Joe record some drum tracks for Matt. Wes stopped by too so I got to see even more friends! While they were recording music, I was mixing some tunes.

Totally kidding. I don't know what any of that stuff means. I'm pretty sure if I actually touched it, it would break.

Awesome music to check out:

Wes Harllee

Matt Adler

And for Joe, Twitter

And Mack makes awesome music:

Mack Damon

There's a little music playlist on there filled with awesome songs.

Now I'm home and completely exhausted. Today wore me out like no other. Walking makes me tired. It was worth it though. Seeing awesome friends always makes it worth it!

My heart is full of happiness and love.

Xoxo.

Hair pins.

I can't sleep. I blame my insomnia. At least I'm productive! I decided to make a few hair pins.

They're silly but they keep me busy!

Just wanted to share before I fall asleep.

Xoxo.



I get by with a little help from my friends.

It's always during hard times when you figure out who is really your friend and meant to stick around in your life. There are the amazing friends that are there no matter what you're going through, never judging you and just wanting to help you through everything as much as they can. There are the friends that somehow seem to vanish. And then there are the people who maybe you're friends with but don't really talk all that much or even people you don't even know at all, that quickly have become some of the greatest friends you could ever hope for.

I've experienced all of these. Very recently.

I do have to say that I truly have some of the greatest friends ever. They are amazing people, inside and out. Calling or texting me just to check in and say "hello" and see how I'm doing. Bringing me silly presents to cheer me up or sending me little things in the mail. Sending me funny websites to look at, videos, and/or pictures online. Coming over just to lay with me and talk, even if it's only for a little while. They all do something different but it all makes me feel the same, blessed and loved. It really means a lot to me to see how much they really care. I don't know if I tell them that enough, but I really hope they know how amazing they are. I'm so lucky to have them all in my life.

I used to be really bitter about the friends that somehow managed to vanish when all of this started to happen, but not anymore. I guess they have their own reasons, which I don't really know about or understand. But it happens.

Then there are the people that have surprised me and have become really close friends now. It means a lot for them to show how much they care. Whether I've always been friends with them or have become friends with them through mutual friends, I know that when this is all said and done, my relationship with them will only get better and better. I can't wait to see how close we truly become.

All of these friends, have helped me in so many different ways. They are a main reason that I've been so strong through all of this. Inspiring and encouraging me every single day to push myself to get better. I can't thank them enough.

I would name all of my awesome friends, new and old, but for the fear of possibly leaving someone out, I'm not going to. You all know who you are, at least I hope you do.

Can't wait for new adventures with the amazing friends that I have in my life!

Xoxo.

I dare you to move.

I woke up today, extremely sore. I think I overdid it yesterday. It was totally worth it though. Bring on the pain!

Even though I was sore, I still had to go to physical therapy. After a little exercising, my soreness started to go away. I actually got to walk without my walker too! Not a long distance or anything, but it still counts. I plan on going walking around the park every day that I don't go to physical therapy. Just to build up my tolerance.

If anyone ever needs a physical therapy place, I highly suggest going to the one that I go to. Everyone that works there is so amazing. I feel like I've known them forever. They are a huge part of my life now. Almost like a second family. I appreciate everything that they do for me and everyone else that they help. They are the reason that I'm not in my wheelchair. Always pushing me to do my best and push through the pain. I wouldn't be where I am today, if it wasn't for them.

Xoxo.

I feel like gold.

I started off my day super nervous. I didn't know how my doctors appointment was going to go and it was starting to really get to me. I was hopeful that things would work out in my favor and guess what? They did!

My doctor cleared me to start using my walker. I could not stop smiling after he told me that. I felt like a little kid opening Christmas presents. I haven't been this happy in a long time! He also told me that I'm going to have to have another surgery, repairing my left ACL but not until the summer time. And it won't mess with me walking on my own before then, I just have to continue to wear the brace until I get the surgery. No big deal! I think I'm more than okay with that. I was hoping to get my x-rays today but I'm going to have to wait until Monday to get them. Pictures will be posted as soon as I get them!

Right when I got to physical therapy, I couldn't wait to tell my physical therapist my good news about using my walker! I started on the bike, to loosen up a bit and then I wheeled myself to my little table. Right when I got to the table, she brought the walker over and BAM, I started to walk. It was really crazy at first. I couldn't stop starring at my feet, I wanted to make sure I was stepping in the right place. I guess it'll be a while before I won't have to stare at the ground the whole time. I even did a little walking without the walker! I was holding my physical therapist's hand the whole time though, just incase. I thought that I was going to go to pt, walk a little and still have to be in my wheelchair until I really got the hang of it. To my surprise, I don't have to use my wheelchair at all anymore!!!!

Gah, I'm happy!

After all this awesome news that I got, I decided to go and share it with a few people. I went by my mama's first so that she could see me walk. She was so proud! Then I stopped by Hooter's to see some of my beautiful friends. It was awesome to see everyone again and they were all so excited to see me walking and happy again! I'm glad I got to visit with them. I miss that place! Parker, my little brother, was also excited because as he said, "now you can walk to the backyard and watch me ride my ATV"! He's too cute.

Sibling love!

Parker pretending to use my walker.

What a glorious day today was!

I'm the happiest girl!

Xoxo.

Neon.

I had an awesome day today! One of the best in quite a while.

I finally got my new EVO!

I got a case for it too. It kinda looks like a ninja turtle! It's so nice to have a phone that acutally works. Now my conversations won't have to end because my phone decides to shut itself off.

I also got my hair done again!

I only need to get it done one more time until it's completely blonde again. I can't wait! I will never dye my hair black, ever again. Lesson learned. Stickin' to blonde!

Summer is almost here and I'm so excited! This will be the best one yet. I've got so many things planned to do. I might just sit in a tube and live on the river though. Actually, now that I think about it, probably not because I've been doing a lot of sitting lately. I'm about to start an exercising routine, mini diet, and going to cut back on the sodas. Time to get in shape!

On a more serious note, I go to the doctor on Thursday. It's almost here! I'm anxious and nervous. I really hope that he okays me to start putting standing weight on my left leg. If he does, then my final step before walking again will start. (fingers crossed) If I get to stand on both legs at physical therapy on Thursday, I'll have someone take a picture so that I can post it on here. I've also been working my ass off to build up all the muscle in my right knee so I'm hoping that he doesn't think I'll need my last surgery, which would be repairing my right ACL. I think I'm doing pretty good without one but that's for him to decide.

I hope everything works out in my favor!

By the way, I hope you all read my last blog post. If not, I think that you should really check it out.

Here's the link: A light along the path.

Xoxo.

A light along the path.

As most of you know by now, I got into a car accident in December. What most of you don't know is how down in the dumps I was. I don't like to feel vulnerable, ever. So I did my best to hide all of my sad feelings but deep down, I couldn't understand why this had to happen to me or why bad things seem to always follow me around. I was lost and depressed.

It wasn't until a few weeks ago that I really started to be optimistic about all of this. There's a girl named Lainy Loyola who changed my outlook on everything completely. I have never met her but we have a few mutual friends, which is how I found her and her story. She inspired me to focus on positive things and not dwell on the past.

Lainy was in a car accident in 2008 when she was 16, which left her with a Spinal Cord Injury. Her determination to one day walk again, has inspired me in so many ways and really touched my heart. She is a very strong person and I am so lucky to have found her story. If I wouldn't have found it, I'm not sure I'd be the happy, optimistic person that I am now.

Become a fan of her Facebook Fan page. You can read her story in the info section. Click here.

She wants her story to be known, to put a face to spinal cord injuries, and to help raise awareness.

She is hosting a fundraiser on May 20th at Floores Country Store called Texas 2Step For Lainy's Footsteps. And all proceeds will go into the support for spinal cord injury rehabilitation. If you can, please go and support her!

I'm writing this to help share her story and I hope that you pass it along as well. I hope that it inspires you as much as it inspires me.

Here's her blog too, to keep up with her amazing journey:

http://believeinmircales.blogspot.com/

Xoxo.